INT. A fancy hotel convention room on a tropical island – DAY

 

There are multiple rows of chairs and people gathering in, mostly men. There is a small stage, and a man and a woman emerge from behind the curtains.

 

Tony

Hello, everyone! I’m sure you all know why you’re here, for one reason or many. Regardless, please know that you are here to better yourselves; also, no refunds are allowed as noted in the fine print, right, Hilary?

 

Hilary

That’s right, Tony. I am an Esquire after all, so I know all about the law and  ---

 

One bald man gets up and interrupts Hilary.

 

Ffej

Yeah, that’s cute and all, but I was told that this would be an exclusive event. I just hate being around others, you know?

 

All the CEOs nod and cheer in agreement.

 

Tony

(raises his hands to calm the angering mob)

Now, now, gentlemen and a few women. Please, it is this type of behavior that has led you here to begin with.

 

Hilary

As, I was saying, this course is actually exclusive, because one must be a CEO for entry, but do not forget that this is a course on how to be a better boss.

 

A woman emerges to interrupt Hilary; the men all gawk, whistle, and catcall as she moves toward the stage.

 

Mik

(vocal fry)

I mean, guysssss, we all know how to be bosses; it’s like I said in my famous interview: ‘I have the best advice for women in business, “Get your fucking ass up and work; it seems like nobody wants to work these days.”’

 

Her sisters nod and cheer her on. The men just gawk.

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Hilary

First of all, we, women, have been working since before you existed. We’ve had to deal with more issues than your privileged little brain could try to sympathize. Also, Ms. Mik, you and your friends keep claiming that you are a lawyer or can give legal advice, but that’s not true. Don’t test the law.

 

Tony

(clears his throat)

Okay, ladies. Let’s not get too angry now.

 

Mik

She’s so jealous of me! Everybody sees it! It’s not my fault that I’m beautiful and have gotten to where I am because I got my ass up and worked for it.

 

Hilary

No, you lied down to get your looks and ass.

 

The men in unison go: “Ohhhhh.”

 

Mik

(ugly crying)

I can’t believe this; I don’t deserve this!

 

A simp of a man emerges from the crowd.

 

Nole

Don’t listen to her, Mik! We all think you’re beautiful! Right, guys?? (Some men nod.) I mean, if you ever want to, just say the word, and I can let you have my baby, or babies!

 

The few women, in unison, respond with disgust; both Mik and Hilary look at each other with understanding.

 

Hilary

Ewwwww! She doesn’t want or need you, creep!

 

Nole

(angry and quickly typing on his phone)

I wasn’t talking to you! You nobody! I was talking to Mik!

 

Mik

Ewwww! Never! Not in two million years times infinity!

 

All the men whisper; the few women all cheer for Hilary and Mik.

 

Nole

(flushed and prancing around weirdly)

You know what, I don’t even care!! I’m working on creating a robot woman!! Then, we won’t need women anymore, right, guys?

 

The men all stay quiet and avoid making eye contact with him.

 

Eolhk

Ewwwwww! Just go to the sun, you weirdo!!

 

Tony

This is exactly my point, everyone! Please, we need to help you remember that you are not gods or goddesses, but human beings!

 

Llib

I don’t mean to interrupt everyone, but I just heard that they are taking bids on some newly discovered islands.

 

Everyone quickly takes out their phones and start bidding; others rush out of the room to their cars and helicopters.

 

Hilary

I guess they’ll just never change, huh?

 

Tony

Nope, but the best part is we’ll also always take their money; if the government doesn’t charge them, don’t worry, we will. After all, the emperors will always need new clothes.

 

Blackout.

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