A cloudy, gloomy night is illuminated by the excessive lights and pseudo-rich decorations adorning the now concrete lawn in the White House. A bunch of lazy, affluent individuals are lined up to enter the premises.

 

Elon Musk (stupidly giddy): Hehehe, hey guys!

 

Jeff Bezos (to Bill Gates): Quick, pretend that you’re telling me something important, or we can pretend to be interested in our women.

 

Bill Gates nods and the women just stare at their old, wrinkly partners.

 

Jeff Bezos (sighs): Ugh, never mind, these women are nothing more than arm candy, after all.

 

Bill Gates (gently elbows Jeff): And to make us pretend to be into women our age.

 

Mark Zuckerberg (unblinking): Wow, guys, are you allowed to say that? (to Jeff Bezos) Also, Jeff if you’re not into her, can I have Lauren Sanchez? There’s just something about her –

 

Mark Zuckerberg is elbowed by his wife.

 

Mark Zuckerberg (robotically laughing): Honey, it’s a joke.

 

Elon Musk appears right next to them.

 

Elon Musk: Oh shit! You tried to pull a J.D. Vance!! (starts laughing like a creepy villian) Right guys??

 

Bill Gates (to Jeff Bezos): I guess we have to be nice to him since he’s technically richer than us. (to everyone) So funny, Elon!

 

Elon Musk: Yeah, yeah whatever.

 

They are interrupted by a beautiful, young lady. All the men gawk and forget their conversation and partners.

 

Young lady: Hi there, gentlemen. Did everyone already check in?

 

Elon Musk (screaming): Don’t you know who we – (He turns to face her.) Well, hello there. Are you alone? Do you want a partner? Do you want a baby?

 

The young lady politely chuckles and avoids proximity to Elon.

 

Jeff Bezos: I want to apologize for my – my, hmmm, I guess, acquaintance is the best word.

 

Elon Musk grunts and starts throwing a tantrum.

 

Young lady (sweetly): No problem! I understand.

 

Jeff Bezos (enamored): So, sorry, what did you tell us initially?

 

Young lady: If you’ve already checked in?

 

Bill Gates (interrupts): Sweetie, I think everybody knows who we are.

 

Young lady: Oh, I understand; it’s just that everyone else has also already checked in at the booth, just there. Even Bob Iger, Mark Walter, and David Ellison already checked in and now they’ll have access to the president’s new schedule. (whispering) Because, you know, he’s, you know.

 

Elon Musk stops his tantrum and acts like a human for a second.

 

Elon Musk: Oh crap! He is going to kick the bucket soon. Crap, guys, we better sign up!

 

All the men rush over and scan the QR code to check in. Their partners awkwardly stare at each other and the concrete. The young lady smiles and then goes off to speak to other billionaires. Tacky, cheap Walmart DJ lights captivate their audience’s attention.

 

Karoline Leavitt (bored): Hi, everyone. You know the man of the year, but who didn’t get the Nobel Prize, cause we know him –

 

J.D. Vance (rips the microphone from her hands): I think what she’s trying to say is: here is the man of the year, week, day, hour, minute –

 

Trump yanks the microphone from J.D. Vance’s hands.

 

Trump: Sheesh! Wow, pick your allies, carefully. Am I right?

 

Everyone stares, and a cricket is heard. An I.C.E agent lunges toward the cricket and then splits it in two in front of everyone; the audience stares to laugh, as Trump looks on pleased.

 

Trump (cont’d): As I was saying, that was some of the on ice, and in many ways, advice that Putin gave me. He and I go way back.

 

Musk (drunk heckling): But, not as far back as Epstein!

 

Trump (getting angry): BECAUSE, he knows that I’m not fake.

 

Mark Zuckerberg: Let’s be honest, we’re all botched from the plastic surgery.

 

Trump (fuming red): And, that I actually put my money where my mouth is.

 

Jeff Bezos: And gives great head, right, Bubba?

 

Bubba nods, and everyone starts laughing. Trump loses it and goes full Donald Duck.

 

Bob Iger (elbows his assistant): Take notes; we can use this in our future films.

 

Suddenly, two young adults take center stage and take the microphone that Trump abandoned in his fit of rage.

 

Robin Rich (clearing her throat): Good evening, everyone.

 

Bill Gates (elbows Jeff Bezos): Finally, some real entertainment.

 

Robin Rich (disgusted): Bill, we all know your sins, even if we haven’t seen the files. Like I was saying, you all might be wondering what I am doing here. My name is –

 

Elon Musk (heckling): Who cares?! Just tell me if you want a baby with –

 

A large, burly man appears behind him and whacks Musk’s neck; everyone looks on horrified, and then they hear Musk snoring.

 

Robin Rich: Thank you, Little John. As I was saying, you’re all gathered here to continue your path of evil and destroying America.

 

Jeff Bezos: So, what are you going to do about it?

 

Robin Hood Jr.: Well, we’ll first ask you all to stop and change your minds.

 

The billionaires, millionaires, mostly Republicans, and some corrupt Democrats look at each other and start laughing.

 

Marjorie Taylor Greene: Really? Is that all your big plan?!

 

Kristi Noem: Yeah! Ain’t no way we’re leaving this comfy spot.

 

Blake Lively: Yeah, are they stupid or what?!

 

Everyone stares at Blake Lively.

 

Sydney Sweeney: Who invited you?!?

 

Blake Lively: Taylor Swift gave me her ticket cause she’s still one of my dragons. Who invited you?

 

Sydney Sweeney: Ummm, my boyfriend.

 

Scooter Braun and Jeff Bezos get up.

 

Jeffrey Star: Ohhhhhh, shit guys!!! This is some major tea.

 

Kristi Noem: Ewww, you guys invited him and James Charles?!???!

 

Tom Homan: Well, I needed a date!

 

Everyone starts fighting and arguing with each other. Melania Trump steps up to the stage with another microphone, and slowly everyone starts to pay attention to her.

 

Melania Trump: Please, please. Everyone be best! Remember, AI best need but also need us and technology growth but also slow.

 

Lauren Sanchez: Oh, shit. Never mind, everyone, she found and used ChatGPT again!

 

Everyone continues arguing; until a chime is heard instantly from everyone’s cellphones.

 

Robin Rich: Funny thing, now that she mentioned AI. You all tried to infiltrate us.

 

Bill Gates: The f#ck is she talking about?!

 

Robin Rich: Oh, this is rich. You’re all about to act like we’re stupid, and you’re smart?

 

Mark Zuckerberg: Yeah, actually we’re geniuses! The modern day Prometheus, or is it Prometheuses?

 

Jeff Bezos: Dude, I think it’s Promethei.

 

Robin Rich and her twin brother burst out laughing with Marian and the Merry Men. The men stare angrily. Trump injured himself, but this time no one tried to weld him back together.

 

Trump (from the stage floor): Geeks, nerds, and freaks, I think something is wrong!!! My money is gone, and not just the billions in crypto that you bastards promised me!!!

 

Jeff Bezos: The hell?!? My money is gone, too!

 

Bill Gates: Crap! Mine, too!

 

Elon Musk (drowsy): Me, too!

 

Robin Hood Jr.: Like my twin was saying, we noticed that you jerks sent out an AI of our buddy, Alan.

 

AIan-a-Dale (robotically): Sorry guys, they noticed I was AI when I played music and couldn’t create anything original.

​

Tim Kaine (elbows Zuckerberg): I told you that they'd sniff out your cousin.

 

Robin Rich: Like I said, we aren’t stupid like you guys.

 

Elon Musk: I created electric cars and rockets.

 

Robin Rich: No, you were never smart enough to create anything; you just bought scientists to do your work while you exploited them and resources. Same for all of you!

 

Jeff Bezos: Not me!!

 

Robin Hood Jr.: Dude, you literally try to wipe out your competitors with racial lies, remember Aliexpress, Shein, and Temu? They sell the same products as you but offer it at a cheaper price for the consumers and then that’s when you asked Trump to raise the tariffs because your racist rhetoric only got you all so far. Not to mention the exploitation of some many workers once again.

 

Bill Gates: We don’t have to stand for this.

 

Robin Rich: Neither do the American and immigrant people in the U.S. Hell, even the whole world has been exploited by you all.

 

Mark Zuckerberg: Trump, call law enforcement to handle them!

 

Jeff Bezos: Yeah, call the super elite to get their asses!!

 

Kash Patel looks around wide-eyed and afraid; Trump gets angry.

 

Trump: Dammit Kash!! You still have our elite working for your stupid girlfriend?! By the way, she’s porking Matthew, the buff S.W.A.T. guy!

 

Kash Patel cries and reenters the White House. Everybody else looks around stupidly. The family and the Merry Men start to pack up.

 

Robin Rich: Well, we’ve already done what we needed to do.

 

Jeff Bezos: Oh yeah, what’s that?!

 

Robin Hood Jr.: My dad was able to rescue the real, human Alan-a-Dale. And when you approached our booth -

 

Robin Rich (synchronizes): We were able to hack your cellphones and transfer not just your money but all of your dirty, secret data.

 

Marian: It is quite unfortunate that the rich ignore everyone else.

 

They all look at Marian and realize that she was the initial lady that approached them.

 

Robin Rich: How do you like being treated as a product?

 

Robin Hood: Well done my children! But remember, they were always worthless.

 

BLACKOUT.