Eight, decrepit rats slowly scurry around. Some crash into each other.

 

Tim Kaine: Hey, Schumer stop crashing into me!

 

Schumer is a spineless rat who crashes into a few more rats.

 

Chuck Schumer: You know I’m not as I once was. Plus, all of you have way more benefits than I do!

 

Jeanne Shaheen: Oh please, Chuck! We need to focus!

 

Catherine Cortez Masto (nodding): She’s right, ya know? We need to hurry in our scurry and find the one and only Robin Hood!

 

Angus King: I know where he is!

 

Dick Durbin (laughing): Your name is funny!

 

John Fetterman: Dude, yours is too.

 

Dick Durbin stares shocked and then starts laughing uncontrollably.

 

John Fetterman: Oh crap! I think Dick found my secret brownies, again!

 

Catherine Cortez Masto (elbows Fetterman): Maybe we should give some to Chuck?!

 

Dick Durbin (still laughing): Hey, Chuck! Hey, Chuck! Hey -

 

Chuck Schumer (angrily): WHAT?!!?

 

Dick Durbin (trying to not laugh): How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

 

Dick Durbin bursts out in laughter; the rest stare unamused.

 

Jacky Rosen (clears her throat): Any way, back to the main focus. I got in touch with the three blind mice.

 

Dick Durbin: I thought we could all see?!

 

Dick starts laughing again; Jacky Rosen gets more visibly upset.

 

Jacky Rosen (trying to ignore him): So, they’re on more friendly terms with the others, and they secured us a meeting with him!

 

Maggie Hassan: Do you ever feel like maybe we might be on the wrong side of history if we proceed with this?

 

Chuck Schumer: Listen, we’re spineless and on all fours, if we don’t protect our privilege, who will?

 

John Fetterman: Chuck, you’re the smartest man I know. You lead the way, and I’ll follow.

 

A knock is heard and the room falls silent. Maggie Hassan scurries at her gait speed to the door.

 

Maggie Hassan: Yes, who is it?

 

A voice responds whisperingly. Then, Maggie confirms, and she unlocks the door.

 

Jeanne Shaheen: Oh!!! Welcome, welcome, Mr. Hood.

 

Robin Hood: Please, call me by my full name.

 

Catherine Cortez Masto (kissing up): Wow, I’ve heard of you before! My, how handsome you are!

 

Robin Hood looks grossed out but continues further into the den. He suddenly stops and points amazed.

 

Robin Hood: Oh, wow! Wait a minute! I know you!

 

Chuck Schumer (smirking): Yes, it is I! The one, the only –

 

Robin Hood (interrupts): No, bro. I meant that dude.

 

John Fetterman: Yes, I’m the guy who pretended to be democratic!

 

Robin Hood: Oof! Yikes, but also no. I meant this little dude. Aren’t you besties with Hillary Clinton?

 

Everyone turns to stare at Tim Kaine, who puts his two front paws in the air.

 

Tim Kaine: Woah, woah! I wouldn’t use those words exactly! We were just running mates and well now I’m on a different agenda.

 

Robin Hood (nods): Yes, the three blind mice told me that you all were going to cower to the republiKKKan agenda, no?

 

Chuck Schumer (stuttering): I wouldn’t – cuz say – I just – we just – 16 million people, billionaire friends, money, healthcare –

 

Robin Hood (creeped out): Woah oh, does he have what Trump has?

 

Jacky Rosen: Does he? Do we all? The world may never know.

 

Robin Hood (frustrated): Listen, I think this a waste of my time.

 

Chuck Schumer (recovers): Three words: ‘No f$cking way.’

 

John Fetterman: Yeah, it’s worth your time and even more.

 

Robin Hood (intrigued): I’m listening.

 

Tim Kaine: What if we told you, we have some friends, too? They’re not blind or mice.

 

Dick Durbin (proudly): Yeah! They actually work as lobbyists and will be giving us a cut from the billionaire friends!

 

Some rats try to cover Dick Durbin’s mouth.

 

Robin Hood: Oh, crap! I –

 

Chuck Schumer: Think about it; you cave in with us, we get money from the rich, and forget about everyone else.

 

Robin Hood stares at everyone looking at him with hope; Robin Hood sighs.

 

Robin Hood: So, where do I sign?

 

BLACKOUT.