FBOY Island Parody Skit
It's a beautiful, sunny day in Santorini, Greece. The camera does a scenic shot and then pans into the host, Nikki Glaser.
NIKKI GLASER
Just when you thought we had cured the world of F-Boys, it turns out, much like Marvel, we can't retire just yet. Welcome to F-Boy Island!
The camera pans to the outside of the mansion in Santorini.
NIKKI GLASER
(CONT'D)
Joining me on this adventure are three amazing, lovely ladies, for the chance to find true love and split $100,000. The only catch is there are 24 handsome men and only half are F-Boys.
The camera cuts to the beach, then back to Nikki Glaser near the pool, surrounded by the 24 handsome, shirtless men.
NIKKI GLASER
(CONT'D)
Without further ado, presenting our first contestant, Diana Garcia, aged 25; she grew up in Los Angeles, won the Miss California beauty contest at 19, but don't let her looks deceive you; she is also a black belt in Judo and has a PhD in Microbiology.
Diana walks out confidently and smiles; some men catcall.
DIANA
Hi! It's a pleasure to meet you all!
NIKKI GLASER
A pleasure to meet you, too! Up next are our two ladies...
The producer makes a gesture to Nikki Glaser.
NIKKI GLASER
(CONT'D)
I'm sorry; I've been told that they were offended by my choice of words. Up next are the lovely Greek goddesses, Athena and Aphrodite.
The camera cuts to the men; some who start rubbing their hands, like flies in anticipation for their next meal. Then it cuts to Diana, who looks as if she's seen death.
DIANA
I'm sorry, did you just say goddesses? And, did you just-
One of the oiled up male contestants interrupts Diana.
DANIEL
Yeah, Nikki didn't stutter, and it's Athena and Aphrodite? You know, the goddess of intelligence and the goddess of love? Haven't -
NIKKI GLASER
(Cuts him off)
We didn't need your mansplaining, Daniel. But, yes, Diana, the Greek government gave us a great deal if we let these two ladi- I mean- goddesses as our contestants.
Athena and Aphrodite enter; the camera now has an ethereal filter.
APHRODITE
It's a pleasure to be here. My, what handsome men you've got, Nikki.
Six men faint; another catches himself drooling.
ATHENA
It isn't a pleasure to be here. After all, I don't like romantic love, and much less believe in true love.
APHRODITE
Now, Athena, you promised!
NIKKI GLASER
Ummm, well, here we are! Please feel free to get to know one another and just ignore the cameras.
Fifteen men chase after Aphrodite; eight men run after Athena, who disappeared while Nikki Glaser was talking. Diana sits dejectedly near the pool and gazes into the ocean.
DIANA
Well, I guess I've already lost.
The camera pans to a handsome, young man who shyly walks towards her.
MICHAEL
(clears his throat)
Hi, Diana! I just wanted to say how much I admire everything that you've accomplished. Do you mind if I sit next to you?
Diana nods, and they begin to talk and then flirt. The camera cuts to Nikki Glaser.
NIKKI GLASER
I guess we still have hope for true love.
Athena is in the confession room.
ATHENA
Yeah, no. I know everything, and I can assure you, Michael is faking it.
Aphrodite is in the confession room.
APHRODITE
How cute! They're so perfect for each other, and my son probably did the pairing! He's so great at matchmaking, better than your craps- I mean, apps! Oopsies!
Daniel enters the confession room.
DANIEL
Really, Aphrodite said that? Doesn't she know her son literally ghosted his wife, Psyche?
The producer questions Daniel's motivation to Aphrodite.
DANIEL
(CONT'D)
Oh! Well, bro, if you had the chance to say that you got to sleep with the goddess of love, wouldn't you?
It's the next morning, and everyone is having breakfast. There is an empty seat in the dining room.
NIKKI GLASER
If anyone has seen Daniel, please let us know.
The men start to whisper.
NIKKI GLASER
(CONT'D)
No cause for alarms, we've had previous times where F-boys, I mean, men have wandered off set! Carry on!
Michael is holding Diana's hand; they whisper, flirt, and giggle. The camera pans to Athena watching them, while furiously eating a pancake.
ATHENA
(In the confessional)
What? No, I'm not jealous. Do I think Michael is cute; I mean, if you're into a guy who is fit, smart, funny, sweet, respectful, and listens to you, then maybe, you'd find him attractive.
(Sighs and slightly swoons, but quickly recovers)
Huh? No, I don't know a Daniel.
Aphrodite is brought to the confession room by a producer.
APHRODITE
Didn't I tell you that Diana and Michael are a match made by my son?
(The producer stares.)
Oh, what? No, I don't remember a Daniel? Funny you should ask me.
Everyone is having fun at the beach; Micheal and Diana are building sandcastles, while Athena glares. Aphrodite is surrounded by her fourteen men.
NIKKI GLASER
Hey everyone, just want to ask if anyone has seen our producer? No worries, if you haven't! Also, on a random note, there have been two American bullfrogs found. They're an invasive species, but no worries, they're both male.
Everyone turns to Aphrodite, who winks at the camera.
Blackout.