INT. A GALENTINE’S DAY CELEBRATION AT MONICA’S APARTMENT – FRIDAY NIGHT.

 

FABIOLA

So, I finally did as everyone suggested, and 

I told him we either make it exclusive, or we’re done!

 

MONICA

Ohhh!!! So, you’re both a couple now? Congratulations!!

 

Both Monica and Christina clap for their friend, Fabiola, and use the confetti and glitter Valentine’s Day party poppers.

 

FABIOLA

(bursts into tears)

Ummm, actually, he dumped me!! I never 

want to hear or deal with love again!

 

Both ladies go over to console the heartbroken Fabiola. Suddenly, a phone chimes to rhythm of a Tinder match alert. Everyone looks up, and Fabiola wipes away some tears.

 

FABIOLA

(CONT’D)

Ummm, is someone here on Tinder? Seriously, 

didn’t I just ask for no romance, please?

 

CHRISTINA

(blushing)

I’m so sorry!! It’s just that there’s this cute guy on 

Tinder, and we’ve kind of been messaging back and forth.

 

MONICA

Fabiola, I’m sorry about what happened, but I haven’t 

seen my prima so in love since college; 

plus, it’s a good distraction!

 

FABIOLA

(stops crying and manages a smile)

You’re right! What did he message?

 

CHRISTINA

(looks at her phone excitedly and then stares dejectedly)

He messaged: “Damn girl, your thickkkk,” with four Ks.

 

Fabiola and Monica go to console Christina.

 

CHRISTINA

I’ll give him a second chance.

​

FABIOLA

Sweetie, his grammar sucks; it seems like he’s 

subliminally trying to tell you that he’s part of the KKK, 

and he seems immature; maybe, it’s best to let him go.

 

The Tinder message goes off.

 

CHRISTINA

(on the verge of tears)

He said: “It means your yummy”.

 

MONICA & FABIOLA

(in unison)

Awwwww, sweetie! Come here!

 

CHRISTINA

I just wish there was someone who could help us.

 

Smoke enters the stage...the ghost of Charlotte Brontë appears.

 

FABIOLA

Ahhhh!!! A ghost!!! Oh hell no! I might not 

want to celebrate love, but that doesn’t mean 

I want to conjure up the dead!

 

CHARLOTTE BRONTË

Did you ladies ask for help with romance? 

I can assure you that as a famous British novelist, 

I know a thing or two about—

 

Monica screams.

 

CHRISTINA

Prima, we’ve already established that there’s a ghost.

 

MONICA

No!!! Not that; omg, you’re so lucky! We get to talk to her!!

 

CHARLOTTE BRONTË

(waving her hands up and down but appreciating the praise)

Yes, yes, it is I; I’m so glad to be with fans.

 

FABIOLA

(trying to mask her fear)

Who is she?

 

MONICA

Come on, ladies! Seriously? We read 

her works in high school!!

​

CHARLOTTE BRONTË

High school? I thought my work was more intellectual 

and would be studied by college students, at least.

 

CHRISTINA

She seems kind of conceited, no?

 

MONICA

You guys!! She’s my favorite author!!

 

CHARLOTTE BRONTË

Ohhh, well, thank you!

 

Fabiola and Christina look at each other and shout out “Oh, right!”

 

MONICA

Yeah!! It’s Jane Austen!! If anyone can help us 

out it’s for sure her!

 

CHARLOTTE BRONTË

(red in the face)

What the HELL???!!! I’m not Jane Austen!!! 

(whispers) I hate her.

 

The three ladies back up.

 

MONICA

Then, who are you??

 

CHARLOTTE BRONTË

I’m Charlotte Brontë!!

 

All the girls turn and look at each other, puzzled.

 

FABIOLA

Ohhh!!! Now, I remember you! Wuthering Heights, right?

 

CHRISTINA

Ohhhh, yeah! We sparknoted that one!

 

CHARLOTTE BRONTË

What? No, that was my sister’s work? 

Wait, what is ‘sparknoted?’

 

FABIOLA

(blushing)

It’s when we read the summary chapters of a book…

 

CHARLOTTE BRONTË

Oh, how horrible! I think I’m going to faint!

 

CHRISTINA

Okay, calm down, lady, we read most of the books 

that we were assigned in high school. 

(whispers) Just not the boring ones.

 

CHARLOTTE BRONTË

Excuse me?? My work is a masterpiece, okay?!

 

MONICA

Oh, Google says she wrote Jane Eyre.

 

The ladies all in unison go: “Ohhhh” dejectedly.

 

CHARLOTTE BRONTË

What??

 

CHRISTINA

It’s just not that great, no offense.

 

CHARLOTTE BRONTË

Excuse me?? Offense taken!

 

FABIOLA

Yeah, like when you used the pseudonym of a man, we 

would’ve believed that it was written by a man.

 

CHARLOTTE BRONTË

WHAT???!!!!??? I want to see you all write a novel!

 

Another Tinder message alert chimes.

 

CHRISTINA

(blushing)

Awwww, you guys!!! He said if he shall compare me to

a summer’s day and that I’m more lovely.

 

FABIOLA

Well, I mean Shakespeare does have a way with words. 

Wait a minute—

 

All three ladies turn to look at Charlotte Brontë.

 

CHARLOTTE BRONTË

What? We get bored in heaven, okay? 

Plus, dating apps are the worst invention; 

the creators are basically pimps.

 

The three ladies gasp in astonishment and smile in agreement.

 

MONICA

Sorry, Charlotte. Why don’t you stay and celebrate 

Galentine’s Day with us?

 

CHARLOTTE BRONTË

Maybe we can reread my book together?

 

All three ladies look at each other and then smile at Charlotte Brontë.

 

BLACKOUT.

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