INT. A CONFERENCE ROOM - FRIDAY NIGHT.

 

Tony (hyped): Well, thanks again, Rich, for inviting me to this event.

 

Richard: No problem, bro! Hey, Iotas for life, remember? (nudges Tony, who cringes) Hey, by any chance, did you use my discount code for the ticket?

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Tony: Yeah! Actually, about that, I don’t know if you know, but it didn’t even help cancel out the sales tax amount.

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Richard: Cool, cool, cool. Yeah, that’s wild! I for sure thought it would at least be a 10% off code. I’ll make a note of that.

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The lights dim and a cheap set of Walmart DJ lights activate. An announcer is heard over the speakers with feedback issues.

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Announcer: Make some noise for the one you all paid to learn from...

 

The crowd starts cheering and chanting.

 

Announcer (cont'd): The only, the only, the incredibly talented, the ...

 

Tony (bored): Ummm, it’s kind of dragging out at this point, besides I wouldn’t call this guy super talented.

 

Richard: Dude, he’s super smart and has five million subscribers on Instagram and even more on TikTok. Shhh...I think he’s going up on stage now!

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Smoke enters the stage...the paid speaker appears and has the same voice as the announcer.

 

Payton: Wow, thanks for the introduction, Mr. Handsome Announcer.

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Payton checks himself out in the stage mirror, meanwhile the men all cheer for him.

 

Payton (cont'd): Yeah, so like I, I mean the announcer said, I have all this talent, and I am ready to help you all out.

 

Richard (yells): PAYTON, YOU’RE THE MAN, BRO!!!!

 

Tony lowers his face embarrassed; Payton winks at the crowd.

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Payton: Thanks, bro! And after this conference, so will you be a man!

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Tony (interrupts pleadingly): I mean he hasn’t even said anything yet, like where he went to college.

 

Richard: Nah, bro. Didn’t you know that he dropped out of high school?

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Tony: Wait, what??!!?

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Payton (self-hyped): Yeah guys, so in today’s hustling culture, you need to be ready, any and every day.

 

The men all once again cheer.

 

Tony: Dude, he hasn’t even said anything really amazing though.

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Richard: Dude, don’t be jealous.

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Payton: Yeah, so you need to wake up at 4 in the morning. You look at yourself in the mirror and say your affirmations.

 

Tony: He’s not even dropping his skincare routine, bro.

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Richard once again pantomimes for Tony to shut up.

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Payton (self-hyped): Like “Bro, you’re the hottest and buffest guy out there.”

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Most of the men cheer; Tony rolls his eyes.

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Payton (in an existential crisis): Then you think to yourself, is this is it? Is it my future to keep grifting from little kids on TikTok?!

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Tony (clears his throat): Bro!!!! Did you just hear him?!

 

Richard claps and wipes a tear from his eyes.

 

Richard: Yeah, bro, he’s being hella vulnerable right now.

 

Tony: Come on.

 

Payton (recovered): But then I jump into my mansion’s pool and then BAM!! I don’t feel bad anymore!

 

Most of the audience keeps cheering him on; Tony is more visibly angry.

 

Tony: Dude, this is a scam and a waste of time!!

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Richard: Bro, nah, I’ve been to his conferences every time, and he always has an amazing moment at the end!

 

Tony (horrified): Every time?!? Rich, his tickets are $800 each?!

 

Richard: Yeah, but your last purchase helped me out!

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Tony: To enter for free??!!?

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Richard (calmly): Nah, to recover my money. Every one of our frat bros that I invited and who used my code helped me recover my funds.

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Tony: As an accountant, dude, I’m telling you the math isn’t adding up!!

 

Richard: Yeah, I recovered my $800 that I spent on my first ticket! Dude, it’s all good now!

 

Tony: My girlfriend was right, bro, Payton has moved on to making men pay a ton for nothing!

 

BLACKOUT.

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